I have to admit, I am an over-thinker. I can take a perfectly normal circumstance and analize, critique, and dissect it into all its parts until it no longer makes any sense whatsoever. And I know I am not the only one who suffers from this type of thinking.
Maybe anxiety has something to do with it. Maybe fear. All of the what-ifs vying for attention every few seconds. It can be exhausting. But more than that, it can be damaging to you and the one you are in a relationship with.
If you are an over-thinker, or have been in a relationship with an over-thinker, you know what I am talking about.
From my personal experience, the fastest way to damage a relationship, or your own well-being, is to over-think everything. And I’ll tell you why.
First of all, you need to understand what happens to the mind when you start to enter that “over-thinking mode”. You see something, or you hear something that makes you form a question in your head. Or you go back to something that was said or done in the past, and you focus on that. Suddenly, you are entering the over-thinking zone, and you are ill-prepared. (Over-thinking will catch you off guard most times.) The mind works in curious ways. It will divert all attention to things you would rather ignore and force you to deal with something until a resolution is reached- or until you pass out and remember it in the morning. You will catch yourself saying things like, “that doesn’t make sense,” or “I wouldn’t have done that,” or even ” what does that mean?” Then comes the barrage of thoughts that hinder you from being happy.
When you look at something under a microscope, you only see the detail that makes up the entirety- you don’t actually see the big picture. It’s the same with over-thinking. You only see the things that are a small part of something much bigger. When you mention the little things that trigger your over-thinking response, when you ask 100 questions in regards to why your partner went out for pizza instead of going for the usual burger joint with their friends, when you ask why it took 35 minutes to respond to your text instead of the usual immediate response- you are focusing on the trivial instead of the important. What’s important is that your partner told you they went for pizza, and they did respond to your text. It’s the “why’s” that get us caught up in our own thoughts. The “why’s” are what cause a hindrance in our relationships and in our own progression, individually.
The other side of this is over-thinking about what “you may be doing wrong.” Trust me, if you are worried that you might be doing something wrong, you are probably doing everything right except worrying about what you are doing wrong. Over-thinking leads to blame- one way or the other, you or them. Stop the blame cycle!
Breathe and learn to trust. Trust yourself and others. It really is the only way to move forward in your life. If you are thinking this is easier said than done, you’re right. But let’s be realistic… it’s usually easier to say something than to do it. To stop the damage being done to your relationship, you must stop the over-thinking. How to stop over-thinking? Well, there is no answer that will work for everyone; I can only tell you what worked for me.
Acceptance and letting go. Whatever happens in life is going to happen whether you think about it till your brain explodes, or not. Accept what life brings your way, and let go of the need to have all the answers.
Repeat after me: “I’m okay. He’s/she’s okay. We’re okay.” Those words have helped me more times than I can remember. 99% of the time, when you are over-thinking something, you create a problem that wasn’t there. And 99% of the time, you ARE okay, he/she IS okay, and you guys ARE OKAY. Seriously, use these words. Say them to yourself as many times as you need. Words are powerful and they can help you if you use them properly.
So, remember to breathe. Stop the blame. Accept and let go. “I’m okay.”
These reminders will help you to curb your over-thinking and put an end to the damage being caused by it.
What useful tips do you have to help with over-thinking in relationships? Tell us in the comments!
By Raven Fon
Source: I Heart Intelligence
Related:
- 10 Facts You Didn't Know About Overthinkers
- New Research Says Overthinking Worriers Are Probably Creative Geniuses
- 5 Techniques to Quiet Your Mind
- 5 Mind Hacks to Better Manage Your Attitude
- 8 Ways To Take Control Back Over Your Mind
- 40 Questions that Will Quiet Your Mind
- 30 Questions that will Set Your Mind Free
- Why Modern Relationships Are Falling Apart So Easily Today
- How Sex Isn’t The Only Form Of Infidelity In Relationships These Days
- True Love VS. Toxic Love: 14 Core Differences
- The Difference Between A Mature Relationship And An Immature Relationship
- The Best Sign Of A Healthy Relationship Is No Sign Of It On Facebook
- 10 Signs That Your Relationship Will Last
- 18 Signs That You're In A Happy Relationship
- 20 Signs That You Have Found The Love Of Your Life
- 20 Powerful Secrets to Meaningful Relationships
- What Happens When People Realize How Their Loved Ones Rate Them
- 10 Heartwarming Sketches About Love and Romance by Zac Retz!
- Korean Artist Beautifully Captures What Real Love Truly Looks Like
- Why Readers, Scientifically, Are The Best People To Fall In Love With
- 8 crazy symptoms of being in love
- 10 Signs Of True Love
- This Hilarious Short Animated Film Shows Exactly What Happens In Your Mind When You Meet Your Crush
- The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With
- Social Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits
- Signs That Your Relationship Can Last
- 5 things you should do for yourself before getting into a relationship
- 5 Signs You’re in a Toxic or Draining Relationship
- 9 Good Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship
- When You’re In A Good Relationship, You Learn These 10 Things
- 10 Toxic Relationships Mentally Strong People Avoid
- 10 Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate
- The Four Types Of Friends According To The Buddha
your page sucks adds every damn where. and it keeps shoting me to the bottom of the page I will now in like you and post to every one how shit your site is. I don't care about the adds but the shit where it shoots all the way to the bottom fucking sucks its did it three times while writing this . so fuck you and your infuriating fucking page.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this article probably has an intention of being helpful but I actually find it's sort of dilusional. To think we r able to not over analyze when that's literally what are brains are meant to do is dishonoring and pointless. I agree that sometimes we create a whirlwind of doubt that can be crippling but most of the time this over analysis has led me to simply acknowledge that someone isn't right for me. Some of our personalities have a brilliant tendency to understand things better and with this comes thinking and sorting. I'd rather honor that then change it. Thanks for writing though. Made me think ��
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant article. I can related to it as I have been through and have been going through it. Though it's not easy to stop over thinking but such efforts can help overcome it gradually. It's true over thinking can destroy relationship.
ReplyDeleteAfter being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call him +2348164728160 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
ReplyDelete