You may be thinking to yourself how can arguing possibly be an essential element to a successful relationship? Well, according to psychiatrist, Dr. Gail Saltz, describes that arguing can be a very rewarding experience between two people as they express their different points of view, their feelings, and their individualism.
Sure, we all go through the honeymoon phase of our relationships and once that part begins to fade away we suddenly start to understand how the other one tries to compromise, introduce improvements to the relationship, and we learn a lot from what the other has to say.
Dr. Saltz also mentions that in order to have constructive arguments in your relationship you must first master these five aspects before you go into any kind of fight with your partner:
Don't say anything that you're going to immediately regret, make sure that you stick to the topic that is being discussed, be sure that you are listening to the others words carefully, speak honestly once you feel anger boiling inside you, and you don't always have to be right because it's more than okay to admit when you are wrong.
It's important to recognize when you are your partner are no longer having constructive arguments with each other: If both of you end up leaving the conversation angrier than you were before you entered into it then this means that you both should work on managing your tempers.
You must be willing to see the other person's point of view, how they feel, what they expect, and what they want to do in order to achieve happiness again. It's also important to realize when either one of you is too angry to even communicate.
You both must be extremely level headed before going into a fight with each other, otherwise you'll see very quickly just how self-destructive that kind of demeanor can be.
It's more than okay to be upset, however, yelling, vulgar language, and anything else that may hurt your partner mentally or physically is going to have dire consequences the minute you unleash your rage upon them.
Try to remember why you both are even having to argue in the first place, try to realize that this is a problem that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, and do your best to see their side of the argument.
What it all really boils down to is the both of you being able to communicate, find compromises, still be in love with each other, and being as honest as you possibly can.
Arguing gets you nowhere if neither of you are willing to learn from each other. Dr. Pam Spurr who is a relationship expert explains that couples who argue are extremely passionate for one another because:
"The way in which you argue signals so much about a relationship. The wise couple acknowledges this and keeps an eye on how they treat each other over disagreements. Subconsciously, bickering demonstrates you care about each other even if while bickering you feel annoyed towards your partner. For instance, it shows that you do want your partner to drink less and look after their health. Or you do want them to be on time so that neither of you are stressed out when you have places to be and things to do, etc."
Hopefully this has given you a little bit of insight on how to have a constructive argument with your partner. Remember to be as open as you possibly can be, listen carefully, and be willing to find compromises. Love isn't perfect but you both can at least try to understand each other on how you both can make it work out.
Source: Higher Perspectives
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