10 Ways In Which A Manipulative Narcissist Will Try To Fool You

Toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths engage in manipulating behaviors in relationships that ultimately fool, demean and damage their intimate partners, family members, or friends. They use plenty of diversionary tactics to distort the reality of their victims and put the blame on them. Even though those who aren't narcissistic can employ these tactics too, manipulative narcissists use these to an excessive extent to escape accountability for what they do.

Here are the ten diversionary tactics manipulative narcissists use to fool you.

1. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a common manipulative tactic that can be described as an effort made by the abuser to convince you that something didn't happen. Gaslighting is maybe one of the most deceptive manipulative tactics as it works to distort your sense of reality; it makes you question how much you trust yourself and inevitably prevents you from feeling justified in confronting abuse and mistreatment.

2. Projection.

One particular sign of toxicity is when someone is chronically unwilling to see their shortcomings and uses everything they can to avoid taking responsibility for them. That's called projection. Projection is a defense mechanism narcissists use to displace responsibility for their negative behavior and actions by attributing them to somebody else. It ultimately acts like a digression and, so, a narcissist avoids ownership and accountability.

3. Nonsensical conversations.

If you believe you are going to have a profound discussion with a toxic person, be prepared for epic failure rather than conversational mindfulness. Manipulative narcissists use every word they know to disorient you should you ever disagree with what they say or challenge them in any way. They do that to discredit, confuse and frustrate you so that you're distracted from the main problem. That's how you end up feeling guilty for having actual thoughts and emotions that may differ from their own. In their eyes, you're the problem because you happen to exist.

4. Pointless statements and generalizations.

Manipulative narcissists are not always intellectual masterminds – a lot of them are intellectually lazy. Instead of taking the time to think of a different perspective carefully, they generalize anything you say, making blanket, pointless statements that have nothing to do your argument. On a larger scale, generalizations and nonsensical statements invalidate experiences that cannot fit in the schemas and stereotypes of society; they're also used to maintain the status quo. This kind of digression exaggerates one perspective to the point where any issue can become completely obscured.

5. They misrepresent your thoughts and emotions.

In the hands of a manipulative narcissist your differing opinions, legitimate feelings, and past experiences are presented as character flaws and evidence of irrationality. Narcissists will try to reframe what you’re saying as a way to make your opinions look stupid or heinous. That gives them the power to invalidate your right to think and feel, so they can go on with their inappropriate behavior and instill in you a sense of guilt when you try to establish boundaries.

6. They nitpick and move the goal posts.

The difference between constructive and destructive criticism is the presence (or absence) of a personal attack and impossible standards. When a manipulative narcissist "says their opinion" for you, in other words, they criticize you, they often don’t want to help you improve. On the contrary, they just want to nitpick and scapegoat you in any way possible. Abusive narcissists employ a logical fallacy, a tactic known as “moving the goalposts” to make sure that they have every reason to be constantly dissatisfied with you. That's when, even after you have provided all the evidence necessary to validate your argument or taken action to meet their request, they set up a new expectation of you or ask for more proof.

7. They change the subject to evade accountability.

This tactic is a literal digression from the actual topic used to redirect attention to a new issue altogether. Narcissists don’t want you to hold them accountable for anything, so they'll reroute discussions to benefit them. On a macro level, these diversions are used to derail discussions that challenge your status quo. A discussion about gay rights, for instance, might be derailed quickly by somebody who brings in another social justice issue only to distract people from the main argument.

8. They covert and overt threats.

Manipulative narcissists and otherwise toxic people feel easily threatened when their excessive sense of entitlement or their false sense of superiority are challenged in any way. They're prone to making unreasonable demands on other people and punish them unless they live up to their impossible to reach expectations. Instead of tackling disagreements or compromises maturely, they try to divert you from your right to have your own perspective by attempting to scare you about the consequences of disagreeing or complying with their demands.

9. Name-calling.

Narcissists blow anything they view as a threat to their superiority. In their world, only they can ever be right, and anybody who dares to say otherwise causes a narcissistic injury that results in narcissistic rage. Narcissistic rage doesn't result from low self-esteem but a high sense of entitlement. The lowest resort to narcissistic rage in name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to fool you and micromanage your feelings. Name-calling is a quick and easy way for them to put you down, degrade you and insult you while invalidating your right to be a unique person with a right to their perspective.

10. Destructive conditioning.

Manipulative narcissists condition you to associate your strengths, talents, and pleasant memories. They use abusive tactics to cause you frustration. They disrespect you in every way possible. They might even isolate you from your friends and family or even make you financially dependent on them. Like Pavlov’s dogs, you are necessarily “trained” over time to fear to do the things that once made your life fulfilling.