6 Reasons Why You Should Stop Being A People Pleaser

People pleasers come in many different forms. There are business leaders who've lost their sleep because they were too afraid of confrontation. Some parents struggle to keep order in their houses because they don't want their children to be mad at them.

Their reasons for trying to make other people happy may vary. For some people, it’s a learned behavior that comes from childhood. For others, the attempt to make everybody happy comes from their desire to be polite.

If you tend to say yes to things you don’t want to do, or you don't speak up for yourself because you don’t want to upset anybody, here are six things you should bear in mind:

1. You aren’t responsible for other people’s happiness.

Whether you tend to do every single thing your partner wants, or you try to make your co-workers like you, your efforts mean that you're taking on too much responsibility. Everybody is in charge of their own feelings—and you can’t make everyone feel happy.

It’s up to other people to deal with uncomfortable feelings such as disappointment or anger. It’s not your responsibility to protect them from those feelings.

2. Others could easily manipulate you.

You can usually spot a people pleaser from a mile away—and the more someone says yes to other people's requests, the more things are asked of them. People pleasers become easy targets. Somebody may ask favors of them by just saying things like, “I hate to ask you that, but…” or “I wouldn’t ask anybody else, but you’re my best friend.”

Feeling guilted into doing something, or feeling honored that you’ve been entrusted with a favor, both mean that you might be easily manipulated when others realize that your primary goal is to please them.

3. Not everyone will be satisfied by your choices.

There isn’t a single decision, product, or service in the world that could please everyone. Just take a look at product reviews: One person might say an item is the best thing, while another will say the same product is a complete rip-off.

Even our personal decisions that don't affect others might become a target for scrutiny. Your parents may weigh in on your decision to accept a job offer, or your friends may show dissatisfaction about your new relationship. It's ok to take their wisdom in consideration, but it's not your job to always make them happy.

4. Being a people pleaser drains your resources.

Trying to please everybody will steal your mental strength away. The more you think about whether somebody is going to be disappointed by you, or how to express your decision in a way that isn’t offensive, the fewer resources you’ll have to devote to your decisions that matter most.

Worrying about future or past conversations won’t help you get anywhere. Try spending that same time and energy for your own desires, and you'll accomplish much more.

5. Trying to please others is a bit selfish.

One of the most common reasons people say they find it hard to say no is because they don’t want to become selfish. However, in reality, the need to always be liked by others is actually selfish.

Doing things against your will cause you to feel resentful. That will damage your relationships sooner or later. Setting healthy boundaries—even at the risk that someone might get angry sometimes—is far less selfish and far more pleasant.

6. Being nice all the time can have the opposite result.

Have you ever been around that person who is evidently trying their best to be nice and make nice conservation, but is only coming across as nervous and desperate? Don't you feel uncomfortable around him?

People pleasers can sometimes make other people uncomfortable or even annoyed. You have your own personality and opinion, and that will make you far more interesting than just saying yes to everything.