The Real Reason Why People Don't Get Married Anymore

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The Real Reason Why People Don't Get Married Anymore

Only several years ago, the traditional way of living on nearly a universal level was summarized in finding a nine-to-five job, buying a house, and starting a big family.


The Millenials, however, are questioning all of these traditions, especially the concept of marriage.


According to the Pew Research Center, 59% of adults aged 18-29 were married in 1960. By 2011, this number had dropped to 20%. Some people blame the modern hookup culture. As they say, romance is just on the way out as a societal value. Others refer to feminism, claiming that the greater number of opportunities available to modern women gives them the freedom to choose whether or not they would like to be married – a choice that our grandmothers didn't have. Still, some blame economic uncertainty, the lack of suitable partners, or the so-called growing sense of worldwide cynicism.


The truth is likely a combination of many factors – but, one is certainly psychological.


We, Millennials, like having options. We value our independence and our sense of self. We embrace chances. We put a high premium on our personal freedom. And who can blame us?


As such, Millennials are more hesitant than any other generation before making lifetime commitments.


Despite the popular belief, the Millennials are not out daily having wild and indiscriminate sex with lots of strangers. Actually, according to The Journal of Sex Research, today's students aren't any more promiscuous than the students in the generation before us. Their research indicated that 31.6% of students who attended college between 2002 and 2010 reported having over one sexual partner in one year. College students between 1988 and 1996 had reported an almost identical 31.9%.


Other quantitative research goes further in support of this theory. As the Washington Post reported, Millennials are engaging with fewer sexual partners than the two generations before. Baby Boomers were reported to average about 11 partners during their adulthood. Generation X averaged 10. Nevertheless, Millennials can expect an average of only 8.


So the hookup culture might still play a role in the falling marital rates but not in the way we would have expected.


Tinder might be holding us from walking down the aisle – but it isn't because our easy access to it fills our calendars with frequent one night stands. On the contrary, it’s overwhelming our minds with options. An abundance of choices sounds great in theory, right? However, in reality, it can become even more paralyzing than liberating.


As Caroline Beaton writes in “Why Millennials Are so Stressed—and What to Do about It”, the modern habit of keeping an eye on our options can ironically end up limiting our chances for happiness. It makes it hard to settle down with one person, while there are thousands of others out there. Of course, that's not a problem for everyone. Some people are happy with their one, while others are happy with having many choices. The problem is that we've lost the definition of perfect and we think we can have it all. The overwhelming amount of choices make us think that our lives can be perfect and make us forget that nothing is ever totally perfect.


So, we feel compelled to keep on searching. We often forget what it is that we’re looking for. We just know we still haven't found it.


The best thing to do if you're trapped in choices is to stop searching for absolute perfection. Instead, focus on your priorities which signify what's important to you. Is it freedom? A family? Many dates until you want to settle down? Never settling down? Everything is fine as long as you know what it is that you need most in life.


And if you do want a relationship, keep your eye on your partner’s substantial qualities. Find out what these qualities will be for you because they're not the same for everyone.


Like Paul Oyer, an economics professor at Stanford University, suggested, modern people might need to broaden their scope and stop demanding flawlessness from their partners.


Kristen Dombek of the New York Times agrees and adds: “When we find what we want, it’s because we stop researching our options and treating our date as data to be mined, categorized, passed over or locked down.”


Reference: I Heart Intelligence

COMMENTS

BLOGGER: 5
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  2. *I knew I was a bad wife and mother for invariably pushing my husband to the point of hating me or seeing me with the kids. But I never let my bad attitude towards him let me feel like I am the worst woman out there. So, I fought inside of me to change the bad attitude and win back my husband’s heart for over six years but could not until he threatened me with a divorce and a restraining order, not only to keep me away from him, but away from our kids.
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    *Love… Paris Tyne

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  3. My girlfriend and I were happy as far I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When her cousin died in a tragic car accident she went to her family in Mexico for a week. I couldn't go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. She did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let her be. The next thing I knew, she reconnected with an old friend from high school that she had a crush on years back and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until she came back from Mexico. She proceeded to see this old friend and I caught her and her old friend one night hugging each other. I confronted her and she told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about few months of no contact with her I became sad. I wanted her to tell me she wanted to be with me and not her old friend. I was really worried and didn't now what to do bout it, until one day i saw an advert on e internet about how a Dr saved a crumbling marriage, an i was really excited and i contacted the Dr for a love spell, his name is Dr Ewan and this is email address COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPE@GMAIL.COM,he told me to do some things and i did it, he told me not t worry that my lover will e back to me in less than 6 hours. I thought it was a joke when she called me and told me that she is really sorry for everything that has happened in the past. I was filled with joy, Dr Ewan truly helped me and brought my lover back to me withing the space of 6 hours, he was able to get her to miss me, she wanted us to get back together again. She had lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in generally. she cherish our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr.Ewan contact him through whats-app +2349057353987 his email: covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com. Thank you Dr am grateful.

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  4. HI
    I have been married for over 4 years to a great guy. Except for one thing, he cannot stop secretly obsessing over one of my relatives. When we are out and about in town he looks for her, turns his head to every white vehicle( she used to drive one) he stares over at her place of her former employment, all the music he listens to are about missing someone. The strange thing is he hasn’t seen her in over 5 years but can remember everything about the few conversations he had with her, small talk. He will deny everything I have seen over the years, we’ve had arguments and have gone in circles. He threatens to leave me if I talk bad about her, it is insulting to him! It has gotten worse over the years, the only time it doesn’t happen is when I do a smudge around the house. I do know that she put a love spell on her now husband years ago, but is now cursed with health issues that cannot be cured. I do not believe my husband was a target but I believe that he has similar health issues like her. I know where she works and he doesn’t, but he will stare at the building like he is drawn to it. I know people who don’t believe in this will think I’m crazy, and sometimes I feel like I am because this is not only bizarre but it has caused a strain in our relationship. I contacted jai mata sunlight 3days ago, and she helped me put a stop to all of those mess we’ve been through together. I am really so happy because right now, we’re living great and happy again. And also she taught how to make a spell to get whatever I want,. I’d really like to share this info with you incase you might also need help in your relationship/marriage or anything in life. Just via sunlightmata@gmail.com for lovespell restorations in your relationship or marriage. Bless Lydia.

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  5. This article feels incomplete, but ultimately gives some good advice. Let me add a bit more. First, if you want to be in a successful marriage, you need to be happy with yourself individually. There is no one who "completes" you. This is not a movie - it's real life. Women and men who haven't sorted through their personal issues BEFORE getting married end up dragging all that baggage along with them, and they end up killing their relationship.

    One item mentioned in this article is to know what you're looking for, which is a great idea IF you are not making a list of superficial qualities. It really will not matter in ten years, twenty years, or beyond, if your spouse has six-pack abs, or blue eyes, or is really tall. If you can't bring yourself to look beyond physical attractiveness, then your relationships are doomed. Someone once said, "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of her." Looks only take things so far. Sure, it's important to be attracted to a person, but it is even better if there is a mental connection, or a witty connection, or some aspect of the person's personality that turns you on because that is not likely to just disappear. Additionally, too many men and women completely overlook STRENGTH of character when choosing a mate. If a man has a list of "crazy" exes, HE IS THE PROBLEM. If a man lies, cheats, steals - those red flags exist for a reason. If he leaves the toilet seat up, or ogles other women when he's out with you, or puts his needs and well-being ahead of yours, then he is not the one for you. This is an area to go back to the true biblical roles of marriage. Yes, the bible says women should be submissive to their husbands. That just means he gets to be the majority vote in decisions (51/49), but it doesn't mean unilateral decision-making (at least not in my marriage) without respect or regard for the wife's point of view. Plus, the bible also says men should take care of women they way they take care of a part of their own body. Biblically speaking, the 1+1=1. A man should understand that the key to his own happiness is his wife's happiness, and the key to reducing his stress level is reducing her stress level. When a man and a woman work at this together for each other's benefit, there are enormous well-being benefits. These young people have no idea what they are missing out on!

    Being partnered, for life, means having someone take care of you when you are sick, having someone take a ride to the store with you at night when you don't want to go alone, or having someone agree to split up the chores so you can focus on your big work project. My husband and I have a very give-and-take relationship. Earlier in our marriage, I earned a bigger percentage of the family income (only slightly more than he) and our chore list was split fairly evenly. Now, he earns about 90% of the income and I work two low-paying, self employment jobs - both part time. I'm supposed to be handling a lot of the chores, but that's not possible because my two jobs together are more than a full-time job.I can't possibly do everything. But my husband knows I'm focused on my business and hopes one day it will pay off, so he does the laundry each week, which is a great help!

    I won't say we don't argue. We do! But we work it out because getting along with someone you've known for 20 year can take WORK! When you work to smooth out the rough spots in a relationship. That is the definition of LOVE. Love is a VERB, not a feeling. Remember that, roll up your sleeves, and find a partner to keep you company for life!

    ReplyDelete

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Thinking Humanity: The Real Reason Why People Don't Get Married Anymore
The Real Reason Why People Don't Get Married Anymore
Only several years ago, the traditional way of living on nearly a universal level was summarized in finding a nine-to-five job, buying a house, and starting a big family.
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