3 Ways In Which A Narcissist Can Hurt You

Nowadays, narcissism has become a famous word. Sometimes it is used to describe an individualism and self-centeredness. Other times it's the word that describes a lack of capacity in someone to care about others.

Nevertheless, what you should know is that narcissism isn't just a slight deviation from empathy that could be excused with the drive for success. In reality, narcissism is a severe personality disorder with great toxic power upon any relationship.

Only after you've been through the ordeal of being into any kind of relationship with a narcissist will you realize how much pain and emotional chaos a narcissist can cause you.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist will not seem like an unpleasant experience – in the beginning! Exactly the opposite. It will be exciting and passionate. You'll feel completely understood and seen; probably you'll get to enjoy the best treatment in your entire life.

During the first stages of the relationship, the narcissist will worship you and put the world at your feet. They will call and text you regularly, sharing openly how much they adore you, how smitten they are with you and how indispensable and unique you are to them. They'll shower you with compliments and want to be around you all the time. This technique is called “love bombing, ” and it aims to suck you into a dangerous state of emotional dependence on their persistent praise, attention, and validation.

Once they become sure that you have successfully fallen under their spell, hell will break loose. For you. You'll feel terrible without being able to explain why, you'll feel guilty, wrong and selfish. You will fight for more of the old praise and care the narcissist used to give you. You'll find yourself apologizing for whatever you have done and for what you are. You will become obsessed with the memories of how amazing things used to be between you and them, and you'll be ready to do almost anything to make things as they used to be.

So, here are the three main ways in which a narcissist can hurt you and make you feel lost:

1. They worship you for a while, but then they make you feel like you weren't worth it.

After the idealization phase has ended – which usually happens suddenly, without any signs – you'll be thrust off your pedestal. The narcissistic person will unexpectedly (and unreasonably) become cold and distant. It's then when they will begin to criticize you. They will compare you to others – always to your disadvantage.

If you try to talk to them, they'll give you the silent treatment and ensure you know how gravely you've disappointed them. You will then come to believe that it's your fault and you'll make attempts to deserve their previous sweetness and praise again – to roll the relationship back to the honeymoon stage.

Your desire to win the narcissist back will lead to them calling you needy, jealous and suffocating. On occasions, the narcissist will bathe you again in the loving behavior they showed you at the beginning of the relationship. And then they'll go back to stonewalling, disinterest and inconsistency. They'll make you feel thoroughly insignificant after you they've told you that you mean the world to them.

2. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a narcissistic, manipulative technique used to make you lose track of how the narcissist is causing you pain. Every time you rebel against their accusations, they'll make you feel even more inadequate – for bringing up a particular subject, for being crazy, for stressing them out, or for pushing them away and provoking their anger.

The narcissist will also convince you that the problem is not them, it’s you. They will describe how emotionally unstable you are and how your issues are being projected onto them.

Gaslighting will make you believe you are the one that puts the relationship in danger with your claims, questions, and neediness. You'll somehow always seem to be the one who has to behave better and understand them more. Even when the relationship becomes toxic, you'll try to stay and fix it – because you will believe it’s your responsibility to make amends for your mistakes.

3. Triangulation

You know how much it hurts when someone says someone else is so much better than you in every single thing. Well, that's what triangulation is all about; it's making a person feel they’re less valuable or accomplished, or attractive than someone else.

The narcissist will compare you to anyone – a friend, a mutual acquaintance, a mistress, even a total stranger. Nevertheless, most frequently they will compare you to somebody of your gender to make sure you not only feel humiliation and sadness but also jealousy.

For the narcissist, it's very important to keep you second-guessing their love for you. That's because their manipulation works best when you compete with a third party for their attention and praise. You will feel insecure and inadequate, worried that they’re losing interest in you, and you'll desperately try to stick to your best qualities to seduce the narcissist back into loving you (and just you!) more.

The only way to save yourself from all this pain is to leave.

You'll never be able to beat the narcissist at their own game while you're staying in a hurtful relationship waiting for them to change their behavior. Unfortunately, their cruelty won't eventually turn into tenderness and care. You can't and won't love them enough to fix them. That's not your responsibility. They won't return the love in the end. As painful as that might sound, leaving them is your only ticket to an emotionally healthy life.