This Is The Most Common Reason Why Relationships Fail

Image credit: Shutterstock - By Dima Sidelnikov

The trouble with most relationships is that we tend to think our partners should simply know what we want.

Hasn’t years of dating taught us anything? Obviously not.

Psychologists have been trying to solve the issue of relationships that are failing all the times for what seems like centuries. However, sometimes it feels like we're no closer to solving the mysteries of love and romance than scientists are to solving every mystery of the universe.

On the other hand, in a fascinating article published on Business Insider, Katherine Schafler, psychologist, claims that all failed relationships have to do with one thing: the language of love.

It's not the same as the language we speak with our families, friends, or coworkers.

The language of love is something more. Something that helps us express our intimate feelings and show those we love that we do love them.

Still, as humans, we usually take other people and their feelings for granted, which leads to many problems in relationships.

For instance, if you wanted your husband to send you flowers once in a while, but you’d never told him that, how would he be supposed to know it?

Apparently, the answer is “he should just remember that I like flowers.” Right? Well, no.

The truth is that while several relationships crumble under the pressures and expectations of society, even more, relationships crumble because one partner believes the other partner does not care.

That's the breakdown of the language of love: No matter how hard it might seem, we should be explicit about what we need from our relationship.

So if you want your husband, let's say, know that flowers make you happy, you should just tell him. You shouldn't expect him to pick up cues from society or other men who bring their wives flowers. It wouldn't be fair nor nice of you to have that expectation. If you wanted flowers, you should say you want flowers.

Of course, most people would worry than saying that they want their parent to do something romantic would take the romance out of it all or just sound cheesy.

But, really, there should be nothing wrong with saying what you want, whatever it is. If your partner doesn't respect your desires, then they're just not the right one for you.

On the other hand, letting your partner guess your desires can be exhausting for them. What you want is not self-evident; remember that all people show they care in different ways. These ways might include gifts, sweet words, physical actions, or time devoted to the person they love

When something feels wrong in a relationship, it almost certainly revolves around the language of love. Relationships begin to fall apart when the partners aren't speaking the same language.

Here are five examples:

-If you buy expensive gifts for your partner, but they don’t reciprocate, then the feeling of unbalance takes over.

-If you tell them you love them, but they don’t say it back, then you begin to wonder if they'll never love you.

-If you do something nice for them such us taking them out to dinner and they never do the same for you, you begin to resent those actions.

-If you try to show your love with physical intimacy, but your partner doesn’t feel comfortable with too much physical touch, you’ll begin to feel rejected.

-If you try to spend more time with them, but they're always busy, you’ll start to feel lonely and resentful of the time they spend with other people.

For one thing, we tend to give love the way we would hope to receive it. For instance, if you wanted your partner to buy you expensive gifts, you would buy them expensive gifts.

If you wished that your partner stopped looking at their phone during dinner, you'd never look at your phone during dinner.

However, when your partner is doing things that you do not like very much, you might begin to adopt those bad habits too, which hurt the relationship even more.

The language of love has a strong hold on relationships. It's critical to remember that while you're trying to serve your needs with the relationship, you're also required to love your partner the way they want to be loved.

Therefore, if they don't like or care about expensive gifts, don’t buy them expensive gifts. But don’t expect them to know that you want expensive gifts unless you tell them: you need to express those desires and needs so that there's no miscommunication about how you like to be loved.