Three Things Parents Of Mentally Strong Children Do

We spend a lot of time discussing on the importance of physical strength-building exercise for children. However, rarely do we invest as much time discussing mental exercises.

That’s unfortunate as mental strength is the key to reaching your highest potential. After all, what does it matter being smart, athletic, or talented if you’re not able to persevere when the going gets challenging? How successful can your children really become if they are timid and insecure?

Children are not born mentally strong. However, they're all born with the capacity to build mental muscle. We merely have to teach them how.

So which are the mental strength-building strategies which help children grow stronger? Here are three things a parent can do to create an environment that fosters the kids' resilience.

1. Teach your children to think realistically

An overconfident child will not study for a test because they will think, “That's going to be easy.” But a child who lacks confidence won’t put in much effort because they will think, “I’m going to fail, so there is no use trying.”

If you want your kid to put in his/her best effort, teach them how to develop a realistic inner dialogue. A kid who can recognize their limitations, but still acknowledge the power of their effort, can go far in life.

Ask questions that will help your kid see things in a slightly different light. For instance, if he/she insists they will never make the basketball team, ask him/her, “What can you do to increase the chances of your success?”

Or, if they say something such as, “Nobody ever wants to be friends with me,” then, encourage them to look for exceptions. Ask, for instance, “What’s one time when someone did want to be friends with you?” Help your child see that their assumptions might be distorted and their conclusions might be inaccurate.

2. Praise your child's efforts, not their achievements

A kid who thinks an achievement is his/her ultimate goal will fear to do things where they may fail. They will not try new things because they will not be guaranteed success. So instead of trying out for the soccer team or picking up a new hobby, they will limit their activities.

Praising children only for their accomplishments teaches them they have to succeed at all costs. So a kid might cheat to win or treat other children unkindly to get ahead.

You need to praise your kid for their effort. Say things such as, “All that practicing you have been doing is paying off,” or “I am truly proud of you for studying so hard for the test.” When you make it clear that you value effort, then your child will be more likely to persist.

3. Give your child skills to manage their emotions

Several parents are quick to tell their children to “calm down” or “quit worrying,” while others are quick to regulate their children's emotions for them.

When their children are bored, they entertain them. When their children are sad, their parents cheer them up.

Consequently, children are not learning the skills they need to regulate their emotions. In fact, studies have shown that 60% of college students say that they lack the emotional skills to face life after high school.

To reach their fullest potential in life, children need emotional regulation skills. Proactively teach your kid how to deal with negative emotions or how to calm themselves down when they are upset. While one child might find coloring boosts his mood, another kid might say listening to upbeat music helps them the most.

Also, help your children identify what works for them. Teach them they do not always need to be happy and they can face uncomfortable emotions head-on. Make it clear that your children can gain control over their feelings — their emotions don’t have to control them