It is painful to get over a relationship that has ended. No matter if the relationship is toxic or not, to move on requires a considerable amount of time and effort. It is not unusual to miss the other person when the relationship has ended, even when it is the case that the partner has mistreated us or even abused us. Letting go of a relationship is equivalent to letting go of an addiction. Our brains crave the feeling we are used to having when we spend time with our partners, and it can be particularly hard to let go of something so familiar.
Here are six things that can help you get through the transitional period after a break-up or divorce.
1. Go on a journey
To find ourselves again after a relationship has ended is a complicated process. This is partly because we have forgotten what it is like to be on our own and partly because we might have forgotten our identity outside the relationship. A good way to come in touch with yourself again is to take an escape on your own. Find a destination you have never visited before, either near or far, and explore a new place by yourself. This activity will be a strong reminder of what it is like to be relying on yourself and will provide you with the self-confidence boost that you so much need after a separation.
2. Record your thoughts and feelings
Keeping a journal and articulating your thoughts and feelings on paper will help you rationalize the situation. The process of writing down your thoughts will empower you to distance yourself from your emotions and evaluate things logically. Also, writing down your everyday activities will assist you in becoming gradually more productive.
3. Attempt starting up a new hobby
Ending a toxic relationship might leave you feeling at a loss with yourself.
Engage in activities like learning a new craft, playing a new instrument, catching up on an old hobby, or playing a sport. Systematic engagement in a particular project will remind you the things you are good at, which will enhance your self-esteem in return. Participating in an activity will also help you increase your motivation and improve your focus and concentration.
4. Educate yourself on toxic relationships
After breaking away from a toxic relationship, it is vital to stay single for a while. Healing from a break up requires time and even more so if the break up is from a toxic relationship. It is a good idea that you use this time to educate yourself on toxic relationships, dysfunctional dynamics and abuse. This way, you will be able to get a deeper understanding of the matter and you will also learn how to make better choices in the future.
5. Make sure they are not able to contact you
After a romantic relationship has ended, it is reasonable to have the urge to make contact with the other person even if you are sure of your decision to separate. The urge to come in contact with your ex stems from the insecurity of being on your own again. You might have forgotten to self-sufficient through your own abilities and strengths, getting a sense of weakness, as if you are completely helpless alone. However, stopping all forms of contact is absolutely necessary if you are determined to remove that person from your life and get over the traumatic effects of separation. It is crucial, therefore, that when your toxic ex tries to make contact, you stand your ground and avoid all communication. If such a stance comes across as cruel or is burdening your conscience, you can explain to them beforehand or through a text that it is vital for you to maintain no contact at all so that you can heal and get over the relationship. If this is something your ex-partner finds hard to understand and they are persisting, then you have no option but to block them from everywhere for your own sake. It is going to be a very hard process, but putting your feelings aside and focusing on the reasons this relationship has ended will help you recover. You can also focus on the things that you would like to do for yourself and were not able to in the relationship, which can be very effective in remaining contactless.
6. Start psychotherapy
Last but not least, the most useful guide in getting over a toxic relationship is asking for help from a therapist. Thankfully, psychotherapy itself, along with the psychiatric disorders psychotherapy is treating, no longer remain a taboo. Mental disorders and labels aside, the truth is that (almost) everyone carries unhealthy traits from their upbringing to young-adulthood. Unresolved trauma from seemingly harmless situations can express itself in our intimate relationships. Delving into your own experiences through therapy will help ascribe meaning to the painful situations you have been through, and it is of vital importance in rebuilding a firmer ground for yourself and, consequently, your life.
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