Children, by nature, are predisposed to learning and following the behaviours of their caregivers. Because children rely and depend on their parents for their survival, they have to adopt a particular set of skills to lead their lives, something that is only available to them - until a certain age - through their family. It is essential then, for each parent, to equip their child with a maximally valuable skill set to the best of their ability.
Below, we have identified seven ways in which parenting can have damaging effects on a child's healthy development.
1. Overprotecting them
Good parenting involves protecting your children from danger but also involves knowing when to allow the child to handle things on their own.
Children that have grown up overprotected by their environment will face difficulties in coping as adults. They will either grow up being overly cautious and afraid of having control over their life; or, they will continuously look for external help to assist them in making decisions and in accomplishing certain tasks.
2. Overestimating your child's maturity
Oftentimes when parents observe that their child is highly intelligent, they tend to misassociate their child's intelligence with a high level of emotional maturity. But in reality, children of high intelligence use their intellectual skills in ways that mask their emotional immaturity. While some children develop their abilities faster than others, emotional maturity is something that develops slowly and gradually as all children have the same emotional needs.
3. Comparing them to their siblings
Parents of more than one child often find it difficult to adjust their behaviour according to the needs of each child. Every child gradually develops their personality in unique ways, and this is something parents can very often forget during the first years of their child's development. It is important to remember that children, like adults, are unique in their qualities of character, unique in their talents and aspirations. Failing to recognize your child's distinctive style and comparing them to their sibling can severely damage their self-esteem. Contrary, treating your child fairly by acknowledging their individual needs will promote a positive development of their personality, raising them to be confident in their abilities as adults.
4. Suppressing their ability to solve problems
A crucial part of learning while growing up involves exercising the ability to solve problems. Sometimes parents suppress the development of their child's ability to problem-solve by repeatedly working things out for them. But due to their brain plasticity and development, children are prone to learn much faster than adults are. It is crucial then that children are encouraged to solve problems and handle tasks they might find challenging as failing to do so will impede them from becoming maximally functioning adults.
5. Projecting an overly optimistic view of the world
By projecting an overly optimistic view of the world to your children, they will grow up having high expectations and bearing a constant feeling of disappointment. This is because children trust their parents, probably as much as they ever will be able to trust anyone. And when a parent projects a rosy view of the world to their child, the child trusting her parent, will always be expecting the world to confirm the belief that the parent reinforced. That can consequently lead to an unsettling feeling of disappointment in the child's adult self and contribute in developing a self-defeating attitude.
6. Sending mixed messages
There are many times where parents' actions can appear contradicting to what they otherwise teach their child. Mixed messages from the parents can confuse children at the beginning and gradually will result in problematic behaviour in children themselves, including cheating and dishonesty. An example of a contradicting message can be seen in the case where a parent forbids their child from using their phone during dinner time, but at the same time does not apply that rule to himself.
7. Scaring them that you will abandon them
Sometimes parents threaten their children that they will leave them so that they make them behave accordingly. However, after a certain point of hearing threats from their parents, a child will start to rebel, to lose respect for, and devalue the parent. It seems better to communicate with your child in ways other than fear, for example, by logically analysing the situation together with your child, establishing healthy communication patterns, and helping them distinguish right from wrong behaviours.
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